Traveling is also not a way of escaping anything you want to run away from in your life. Take note, dear friends, family, loved ones, bloggers, readers, strangers. I've tried. I use to think that I could just escape from the negative things in my life, but it never works. Unfortunately. It follows you, and it will be a constant reminder in your mind. Remember: life is tough, wear a helmet. Did I just quote Boy Meets World? Possibly.
But when negativity comes rolling around..whether it be dealing with grief, a fight between a best friend, the horrors of depression, or the tale of a broken heart; you seem to see yourself sinking at the lowest, praying for some clarity. Blogger Lauren Nicole was faced with the question, "What do you do when existing becomes overwhelming?" A staggering, yet realistic question. It is overwhelming, and you feel yourself becoming less and less whole but broken. She answers the question, "I try to go find a park to sit in, and just be alone in nature for awhile. if I can’t do that, I light candles or incense and crawl into bed and let myself write nonsense. I usually end up analyzing my situation and my feelings, and writing goals or things I want to change or eliminate in my life. sometimes I get pretty lofty with these goals, but it’s good for my brain I think to imagine them. Sometimes existing gets overwhelming because there are a lot of negative people or situations in our life. and honestly, see if you can cut some of them out. if you feel like you can’t, write out the “epic why” question."
As I've dealt with that constant negativity in my life during depression, I felt myself weak at the knees wondering if life was worth it. It led me to the time where I was kneeling in my dorm room, surrounded by a circle of tissues, yelling out, "Who can I talk to?" - (My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?) This eventually foreshadowed to me being in tears with my sister, as we devoured Thai food on a Monday night in New York City. She was concerned with me, with my life, and my happiness.
I had no clue what I was doing. But I guess I really had no idea what I was doing my entire life. When I came home tonight, I was lying on my bed, and my mom sat by my side as we talked. I asked her what faith meant to her, and what exactly did she believe in? She told me, "I believe in the Buddha and God. I believe in something." I'm not sure what she meant since she mentioned two spiritual beings that can't be possibly put together (or can they?), but I assumed faith was a powerful thing, and I was in the midst of trying to figure if it would heal my mind and heart. I proceeded to ask her about Buddhism and what it meant to her. I also had the bible in Chinese in my hand, showing it to my mother and watching her smile at me as she questioned what exactly I was trying to say. I wasn't really sure. I was just convinced that she just wanted me to have some kind of faith.
You might all think that my spiritual journey is a tad weird these past few months. The post on faith that I had before might have shocked or not shocked you all. I never write about faith, so it was definitely something different for me. The two most controversial things to write about are religion and politics. I obviously could care less about what anyone thinks of something that I believe in, but I never like to create tension or awkwardness among my readers. As a non Christian - haven't been raised up as a religious kinda gal - but spiritually exploring everything - is who I am. Deal with it!
I love traveling, but I don't like the idea of running away from any kind of conflict in my life. I want to NOT run away from them. For the people who are currently running, don't. Don't keep running. Stop, and think about learning to breathe a little. Or breathe a lot. Breathe a whole lot.